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Carmine
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Delfines Rosados

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December 5th, 2008

An Announcement

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strong
I'm sorry to have to do this.  But I've realized I can only handle a certain number of certain types of relationships in my life, and I've exceeded that limit.  In an attempt to take care of myself...

I've made a decision.  I am going to be cutting out people in my life who are causing too much anxiety, chaos, and/or drama.  I don't mean drama in the sense that you have problems and want to talk about them with me.  No, I'm more than happy to listen to you - good times and bad.  What I mean by chaos and drama is:
*Insulting me.  For example, "Sierra, you are a bitch." 
*Trying to run or control my life.  I'm open to suggestions always, but to consistently try to get me to do something we've already discussed and push me to the point where I don't even want to be around you is another matter completely.  Make suggestions, but if I ask you not to make that suggestion again or not bring it up again, I expect that you will respect that. 
*Don't respect me, my time, my friendship, or my things.  If this needs clarifying, I will clarify it, but it seems traightforward to me.
*Continuing to do things that I've not asked you to do, and have repeatedly asked you not to do - I'm not a complete bitch.  I'll give second, thrid, maybe even fourth chances depending, but this goes along with respecting me as a person
*Withholding friendship on purpose because you're pissed off.  I'm done with that plain and simple.  If you have an issue with me, we can discuss it.  If you ignore me for weeks on end without explanation, then expect that I won't be talking to you again.  This is immaturity I cannot deal with at the moment.  We're adults; let's act like it.  This doesn't mean if you don't talk to me on a regular basis, I'll disown you.  Rather, if you are intentionally being immature and not speaking to me for weeks on end because you're mad is another matter.  I'm not going to be unreasonable and cut you out of my life if you don't comment on my journal or we don't talk on IM much.  If this needs further clarification, let me know.

I think those are the main things. 

I'm not doing this to be passive-aggressive or to be a bitch or to guilt trip anyone to change their behavior.  I'm simply saying that I won't accept these behaviors anymore from people who want to call themselves my friends.  I'll be making cuts as I see fit.  I may or may not talk to you first; it really depends on the situation and if we've talked about it multiple times before. 

I just wanted to give everyone fair warning. 

November 5th, 2008


Obama won!!!  Yay!!!

I feel like there's actually hope for our country now.  I feel like it might be easier to get a decent job once my pain is under control again (just started the pain meds again).  I feel like everyone will finally get the healthcare they deserve.  Like insurance companies can't refuse to cover people anymore.  Like maybe our economy will turn around.  Maybe the war in Iraq will come to an end, a resolve. 

Idealistic?  Maybe.  Hopeful?  Yes! 

November 4th, 2008

Update

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Carmine
I thought I'd update this thing since it's been a while......

I am *finally* over my horrible sinus infection.  People who read candypumpkins , that is no news to you.  It only took three and a half weeks and three rounds of antibiotics.  That was the worst sinus infection I've ever had, and I never want to have another one like it.  I am going to really push for allergy shots now.  The sinus infection cycle is kind of ridiculous.

Things are moved in, but definitely not organized or unpacked.  When I get things together, I might have a house warming party/barbeque :)  That would be fun. 

I've been feeling particularly lonely and hug-deprived lately. 

One of my friends hasn't said a word to me in a month, and I'm sort of relieved.  I know, that sounds terrible........  But if he doesn't have any interest in having a real friendship, that's his problem and his loss.  Anyway, I've had enough stress in my life lately and being around extremely anxious people probably wouldn't have been the best idea. 

I am tired of taking/making the initiative in friendships, so I've left the ball in some people's courts, and it is interesting to see what happens.

One thing I really like about Spike is that sometimes he offers to do something for/with me and sometimes I need to ask.  I think that is a good balance, and I like it.  I don't mind taking initiative and suggesting things with him, either, because he seems to have good boundaries and he is so laid back and fun :)

Dave is working the election thingie tonight, unloading ballots from the boxes.  hehe.  I'm glad he is finding work.  I have been very worried about him.  Our friendship has taken a real beating lately due to both of our stress levels, but it seems to be calming down a bit.  He might even come over tomorrow and eat dinner with me and see the cats.  That'll be good.  I'm kind of glad I set my boundaries, I think it did our friendship some good to have a couple day break so we could both get some stuff together.

I found the cats' rabies tags, so we can put them on them tomorrow if Dave comes over or over the weekend when I see Spike.

Well, I should get ready and head to the library while the shuttle is still going and to Wal-Mart.  I need to do laundry today too, and of course writing and unpacking.  wee, lol.

October 10th, 2008

The "I'm too busy" excuse

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Amanda
The "I'm too busy" excuse is a bunch of bullshit if you ask me.  It's a way people tell you they don't think you're important enough to help, spend time with, talk to, hang out with, or whatever.  I think it is so insulting.  I know what people consider important varies, but to me, my friends come FIRST.  Not second or third or fourth......FIRST.  I will always find a way to make time for them if it is humanly possible.  I value them.  And, yes, I do expect the same curtesy most of the time.  I'm not saying people should be careless and not work to spend all their time with their friends, but I do believe that some things can be put on the backburner to make time for friends - thing slike house chores, working out, sleep (to an extent), etc.  Maybe I'm just one of those abnormal people who just values her friends more than they will ever value her?  I don't know.  All I know is that it really hurts my feelings whens omeone blatantly tells me "I'm too busy for you." 

Yes, I've been upset about a particular situation, and if you didn't tell me you were too busy for me, then this obviously doesn't apply to you. 

Being told that they were too busy for me today really triggered me.  It made and makes me want to restrict really badly.  I don't know what that's all about.  It could be that that's what my parents constantly told me with their actions..........  I just really hate it.

I feel like telling people who refuse to be there for me when I need them or when I want to hang out that they shouldn't expect me to be there for them when THEY need me.  But that would not be "nice" now would it? 

October 9th, 2008

(no subject)

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Carmine
This is cross-posted to candypumpkins , so if you read that journal, there's no need to read this entry.

I went to the urgent care this evening because my sinus infection hasn't gotten a whole lot better and I've been on the antibiotics since last friday.  Well, we waited three hours before we got called back.  They made me give them a urine sample......WTF???  Dave and I were both extremely confused.  We reminded them I was there for a SINUS infection. 

We waited another hour to see the doctor after that.  Actually, it ended up being a nurse practitioner, but a nice one.  I've seen her a few times before and she's been good about perscribing the right stuff for my infections.  So, she examined me and put in a perscription for Augmentin since the Amoxcillin by itself doesn't seem to be working very well.  Augmentin is Amoxicillin plus something or another.  She perscribed it because my teeth are hurting and other things haven't improved significantly.  I am also dizzy and my ear has started to hurt.  Stupid, stupid sinus infection.  I am going to *have* to find a way to keep myself in Zyrtec to avoid more of these horrid things!

So, I have to go pick that up tomorrow since she put in the computer at Denver Health instead of writing me a perscription I could fill elsewhere.  I don't want to go back there tomorrow, but oh well.  I gotta do what I gotta do.  I have to get to feeling better.  I have writing to do, cleaning to do, packing to do, things to sell, etc. 

I cannot believe I am going to be moving in like two weeks.  I don't know how I'm going to manage all the work!!!!

The thing about Augmentin, too, is I have to eat yogurt with it.  So, I guess I have to be semi-accountable to eating for now at least, until I get better.  Ugh.  I don't want to gain all that weight back.  I'm so scared.

October 7th, 2008

(no subject)

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Carmine

I got a new battery for my scale.  yay!

According to my scale, I have lost 3 more pounds.  WOOT! :)

Cross-posted

October 4th, 2008

(no subject)

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Amanda
I remember this all too well.  The constant coldness that never goes away, the emptiness, the way the water or soda fills my stomach when nothing else is in there.  I may just have to take advantage of this opportunity my doctor gave me.  Thanks, doc. 

However, what she intended for this to do, it's not doing.  Hurry up, antibiotics and work already!!!!

I need a new battery for my scale.

Cross-posted.

September 16th, 2008

Are you reading?

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Amanda
I know, it's been a while since the last update...........sorry, folks.  BTW, if you read candypumpkins , there's no need to read this, it's double vision.

I've been in a really really reallllllllllly bad place lately.  I've been suicidal.  I didn't take my pain meds for two full days because I was seriously afraid I was going to down the entire bottle of them.  I started contemplating how many of those pain meds it would take to kill myself. 

In the past three days, I've heard everything from, "S, do you need to go to the hospital?" to, "Please don't do that!" to, "I'm too busy to talk to you on a regular basis (from my own SISTER mind you)" to "I know you're trying to tell me something, but I'm too tired to try to figure it out (and I was very blatant about what I was *trying* to say)". 

But for those who have come out of the woodwork and have responded to my desperate posts, e-mails, notes - you know who you are.........I just want to thank you.  I know I haven't responded to all of the individual comments left in candypumpkins yet, but I will try to do that shortly.  I'm not saying this bout is over, but for now, I do feel a little better.  Continued support and friendship would be much appreciated!

dputiger thinks I need to ask my father to move me back to IN.  I agree.  But I'm scared shitless. Based on the way my parents have been with me my entire life (and I don't need to provide examples for most of you that read this), I think that fear is pretty rational.  If I ask him for help, and he turns me away -- AGAIN -- I will be heartbroken.  That's the only hope I have left, and I am very hesitant to tread those waters. 

I am talking with deadangel_00 right now on-line.  Soooooooo good to talk to her after so long.  She's one of the only people I feel truly understand what I've been through in my life.  I am so glad to see her back.  I was so worried about her.  I love her to death.  How I wish we lived closer.

I talked to Dave just a little bit ago as well.  He claims to be having a PTSD flare.  I shall reserve comment on that for private publication only.  heh.

I might actually be in a good enough space to work tomorrow.  I haven't written anything (for my employers) since friday.  Speaking of which, I don't know if I posted it here or not, but I'm now working for Demand Studios for their website e-how (www.ehow.com).  Very exciting, but a very different kind of writing that I am not used to, so it's been a challenge to get the hang of their style.

I want to do Nanowrite this November, but seeing as I don't have any time to work on my book on eating disorders, I highly doubt I'll find time to write a novel!  We'll see though.

Oh dear.  My lip is swelling up again.  There's definitely a stress connection, I've noticed.  I can't wait to see the allergist to see what this is!  It looks like I'll be up a while longer to make sure my throat doesn't swell shut.

Oh, I will try to update this more if I know anyone is reading........is anyone reading this that CANNOT read candypumpkins ???  Please let me know with a comment, e-mail, however you talk to me.  Thanks.

August 14th, 2008

August 13th, 2008

I haven't posted here in a long time, so I thought it was time that I did.

God has a funny sense of humor.  He is sending me the message, "if you're not going to stand up and fight to get your degree, I'm going to bring you people to do social work with anyway."  Dave and I met a man and his son over the weekend when we were going to the Cat Care Society.  The guy told us his other son (who wasn't with him) had a vision problem, and could I help?  I gave him some resources and info about what I had done in college to get through, and told him to call if he needed/wanted any more help.  I was glad I could do something for someone else.  

The father asked me what had happened to me and I did my best to evade the question because there was a child in the car, so I told him it was due to a head injury.  He pushed further, though, so I told him it was Shaken Baby Syndrome.  It's odd that it can still make me feel guilty to tell people that - not as much as it used to, but it certainly still does.  He asked if it was my father.  I said, it was the mother, actually.  It is interesting how most people will automatically assume child abuse is the father's fault.  

Now, I've been called upon to help a preacher, who appears to have Alzheimer's disease and is being evicted from his apartment.  He wants to move this friday but has nowhere to go.  I'm doing my best with the little information I have..........but without seeing him interact and getting some sense of his orientation times 1, 2, 3, I can't make a proper assessment/recommendation.  It doesn't sound like Denver social services is doing much.  And it doesn't sound like the preacher trusts them.  He knows me.  He's seen me over a period of two to three years, so I think I might just be a good person to help here.  I hope he trusts me enough tonight to answer some questions so that I can help him get into a group home, independent living, assisted living, whatever is appropriate for him.  I don't want to see him go to a homeless shelter or anything.

In other news, I've had to go to the emergency room twice in the past three weeks-ish for a severe allergic reaction.  I had a third episode of the reaction, which was worse than the other two, but I was just so sick of the ER that I didn't go.  It was scary though, because I was almost in full-blown anaphylactic shock.  It was getting hard to breathe.  Thankfully, four Benadryl and a Pepcid and two hours later, it stopped....heh.  We *think* I'm allergic to something called sorbitol - an ingredient in sugar-free stuff.  I will have to see if my doctor can test me for it.  It is quite icky to have your face keep swelling up like that.  I haven't eaten any of the sorbitool in about a week and my face has been fine, though, so hopefully that was it.

I'm getting other messages from God, too.  It is very clear, but I will talk about that more later.  

I need to get to writing.  I really don't like this one company I am blogging for, and am trying to find another job.  Hopefully, I will get one to replace it soon.  I want to *enjoy* my work, at least some days....ya know?
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